


If I Could Change Your Mind

by littlemonster



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-21 06:52:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1541621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemonster/pseuds/littlemonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Amy tried to feel something for a different girl and not Karma? Would it work? And how does Karma feel about this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I could smell the stench of beer so strong in my nostrils I was sure the cup in my hand wasn’t even needed. Ever since Karma and I had begun our fake relationship, Saturday nights consisted of getting hammered with possibly hundreds of other kids at Shane’s house. It was that time of night when Karma had finished pretending to kiss and be in love with me and instead ditched me to go into some random bedroom with Liam. Which then resulted in me getting steamed drunk in an attempt to block out these intense feelings for Karma, my realization that I might be gay and the fact that the girl I’m in love with is actually in a bedroom somewhere in this house doing God knows what with Liam. And the sordid details I did not want to know, believe me.

As I sat by myself on the living room sofa, teenagers making out all around me, my loneliness just intensified even stronger. I hated this stupid charade with Karma. Yeah, I get it, I’m her best friend, I’d do anything for her, she’s my world. But I was getting nothing out of this scenario, only heartbreak and sadness while she got to have the person she really wanted. I didn’t get to have anything and probably never will. 

I made my way outside to the conservatory as I felt the tears build up inside me. I took a deep breath and was thankful for the peaceful surrounding compared to inside. All I could hear was muffled music which made me feel like I was underwater. Or maybe that was just the alcohol having its affect. I set my empty cup down on the table beside me and stared out at Shane’s garden. There were cute little gnomes surrounding a huge water fountain which seemed to pour out effortlessly. I wondered exactly where the water was coming from and what Shane’s parents did for a living in order to have such a beautiful house and be gone every weekend. Anything to take my mind off Karma and Liam in that bedroom. I was sure I’d hear all about it later on anyway, that was the worst part because at least now I had alcohol to comfort me.

I was pulled from my train of thought by the sound of the conservatory door opening gently. I immediately turned and saw the familiar face of Ruby Hadler. She was one of those girls who congratulated me and Karma when we ‘came out’ and was always extremely nice and sweet. She was a pretty girl too, short in size with long brown hair and pretty much always wearing a dress. She wasn’t exactly in the popular group of Hester High because she wasn’t gay or didn’t particularly stand out in any way. I liked that about her though; she reminded me of me before all this.

“Amy, what are you doing here?”

Her dark, dark eyes pierced through the dimly lit room as she closed the door behind her.

I wiped the remaining tears from my face and realized I must have looked a state.

“Hey, Ruby. I was just getting some fresh air.”

She didn’t seem to buy that, after all we technically were still inside.

“Were you crying?”

I shook my head and laughed it off, “me? No! Must just be the alcohol.”

She nodded slightly, her gaze still fixated on me. 

“Where’s Karma?” she asked.

“Karma? No idea, haven’t seen her for ages. We’re not joined at the hip you know?” I laughed.

She nodded again, her expression still serious.

“Only… I just saw her with Liam Booker in the kitchen… they seem pretty close.”

I wasn’t exactly sure how to react. Surprised? Upset? Angry?

Before I knew it, I guess a mixture of all three came over me and I was sobbing into my hands. I felt Ruby put her arms around me and sit me down on the couch. She was shushing me over and over and soothing her hand over my hair.

After some time, my cries subsided and I’ve never been more embarrassed.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. You didn’t need to see that.”

“It’s ok,” she cooed, like she was talking to a child who just fell and scraped their knee. 

We sat like that for a moment, her hands clasping mine, rubbing them softly, both of us staring downward at them and me sniffling every few seconds.

“Do you think she’s cheating with him?” she asked after some time passed.

I couldn’t tell her the truth, no way. So I just nodded at our hands.

I lifted my head and looked at her. The look of genuine concern on her face was comforting, the fact she sat with me while I bawled my eyes out made this girl pretty special.

“What am I gonna do?” I whispered. I didn’t have to speak loudly since our faces were so close. Our lips, dangerously close.

My head was in such a daze from the combination of crying and alcohol, I didn’t even realize that she was kissing me. Her lips locked tightly with mine, the taste of what I think was strawberry lipgloss and her hands still gripping mine tightly. I kissed her back out of anger and frustration at Karma and because I wasn’t even with Karma was I? And if she could do whatever with Liam whenever she felt like it, I could kiss Ruby in conservatories while highly intoxicated if I felt like it. Only Ruby wasn’t Karma. I wasn’t in love with her, she didn’t kiss like her, she didn’t smell like her and I hadn’t known her my entire life. In fact I knew pretty much nothing about her only her name, she likes dresses and she must be pretty gay if she’s kissing me now.

She gently inserted her tongue into my mouth and when I reciprocated, she let out a soft moan which I admit was pretty sexy and something Karma never did.

We must have made out for a good five minutes until the door swung open. Ruby nearly jumped ten feet away from me in what was impressively lightning speed. 

“What the hell is going on?!” Karma bellowed at the pair of us.


	2. Chapter 2

“I am so, so sorry Karma. I don’t know what happened; first we were talking then we just…” Ruby tried to explain.

“Amy?!” Karma asked me, her eyes boring into me.

I looked to Ruby and then back to Karma, “We’re in an open relationship, I can do what I like.”

Ruby’s eyes widened at this news, “a what?”

“Could you leave us, please?” Karma asked Ruby.

Ruby nodded and swiftly exited the conservatory, leaving Karma and I awkwardly looking away from each other. She sat next to me on the couch.

“Why was she kissing you? Are you gay? Is she gay?” 

I shook my head, “what does it matter? You get to have Liam, why can’t I have someone?”

“Maybe this whole pretend gay thing is rubbing off on you.”

Rubbing off on me? You’d swear it was some kind of disease. I stood up to leave but not before saying, “Or maybe I just like kissing girls!”

********************

The next day I spent all day in bed sleeping off a hangover. Karma didn’t text, call or message me. It was the first day in our entire friendship that we didn’t communicate. Now I felt both sick with heartache and alcohol. Why did I have to say that to Karma? I could have just told her Ruby pounced on me and I didn’t get the chance to tell her to back off. Or at the least, tell her it was just a bit of fun. She didn’t have to know that I like girls, that I like kissing girls and now she probably knows I liked kissing her. 

My phone buzzed under the covers with a new message. I opened it hopefully but my heart sank when it read ‘Ruby Hadler: Hey wanna come over tomorrow after school? I need some help with Algebra and I know you’re good ;)’.

I flopped down back onto the pillow with a sigh. Ruby was nice, she was cute and sweet, but she was nothing compared to Karma. But who was I kidding? Karma and I wouldn’t happen in a million years, maybe in my dreams and boy, did I have those dreams.

I had nothing to lose by hanging out with Ruby. It would be good for me. If Karma can have Liam, I can have Ruby.

‘Sure. I’d love to.’

*************************************

‘See, all you gotta do is carry over the x and it becomes a minus’.

I was in Ruby’s bedroom going over the same question with her. She was pretty bad at algebra, or maybe she was just pretending to be, like Mean Girls. Karma wasn’t in school that day, I called and called but no answer. At least Ruby was taking my mind off it for a little while and I was getting my homework done.

“You’re really, really good”, Ruby told me for the fifth time.

“It’s tricky I know, but you’ll get the hang of it with plenty of practice”. It wasn’t tricky at all.

“Like a lot of things, I guess”, she smirked at me while I bore my eyes into the textbook so hard I was afraid it might burst into flames.

When neither of us spoke for the next few minutes, I glanced up and met her dark eyes glaring back at me. That’s when she leaned in again and next thing we were making out. Only we were both stone-cold sober and completely aware of it.

I gently pulled away after a few minutes, suddenly aware that we hadn’t even spoken about Saturday night and I knew only the basic details about this girl.

“I really like you, Amy,” she said after I didn’t say anything.

“So you’re gay?”

She blushed a little at the question which was kinda cute, “that’s a big word. Do we really have to put labels on things?’

She was so right, we didn’t have to put labels on anything and I felt bad for trying to box her into a category. She clearly liked me so I should be happy about that right?

I leaned in to kiss her again and I felt her smile at the gesture. We made out for what felt like forever, during which I desperately wanted to feel those same things I felt when I kissed Karma. But they never came.

We only stopped when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket.

“Sorry” I mumbled.

‘Karma’ the phone read.

I immediately answered of course.

“Hey, Karma. What’s up?”

“Where are you?” her voice sounded groggy and tired and maybe like she had been crying.

“I’m at Ruby’s…” I had no reason to lie. She couldn’t kill me if she couldn’t find me right?

She was silent for a prolonged period.

“Karms? You there?”

“Erm, yeah, sure. Sorry to disturb you. I was just worried. I haven’t seen you in so long. I… I miss you.”

I smiled at how caring and sensitive she was, most of the time.

“I miss you too, although it has only been a day. Why were you not in school today?”

“I have a tummy bug. Must be the alcohol.”

I didn’t exactly buy it because Karma never missed a day of school but I let it drop.

“Ok. Feel better soon and we’ll hang out tomorrow ok?”

“Ok…. Amy?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not staying the night there are you?”

I looked up at Ruby who was eyeing me intently, eager for my answer.

“No, course not.”

“Ok, bye Amy.”

“Bye”. 

Things were already weird between us, great. Just great. She probably thinks I belong in some circus now.

“Is she ok with you being here?”

Ruby’s voice snapped me out of my daydream.

“Huh? Oh yeah, sure. She just doesn’t want me to spend the night. I mean, we barely know each other.” I laughed, trying to pass it off as a joke, but really, we didn’t.

“Oh of course, I didn’t expect you to. I just like hanging out with you. You’re so cute.”

I giggled as she poked me in the ribs playfully. God, I could see how anyone in this situation would count their lucky stars. Ruby was kind, sweet, gorgeous and caring and I knew I was lucky that she was into me. But the whole time I just wanted to be with Karma, or have Ruby transform into Karma or transfer those feelings I have for Karma onto Ruby.

Soon after that I packed my things and headed home. I promised Ruby I’d see her again but when I went to sleep that night, all I pictured was me helping Karma with her algebra, us kissing like it was so natural, her playfully telling me I’m cute and I’d definitely stay the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can follow me at: http://cameronp0st.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

I walked into school the next day with Ruby, hand in hand. Sure, people were looking and whispering, wondering what happened to Karma. I heard people whispering that she was ‘straight’ now and seeing Liam Booker so Ruby was a rebound for me. God, I hated gossip and rumours. Everything they were led to believe was false anyway, so I might as well mess with their heads a bit more, keep them guessing. The only thing that wasn’t fake about this and nobody else knew about; was my feelings for Karma. And they weren’t going away any time soon.

“I’ll see you at lunch ok?” Ruby whispered against my shoulder as she pulled me into a hug.

I kissed her cheek and watched her rush off to class. 

I rummaged through my locker seeking that God-forsaken English textbook. I was late already so I figured I’d take my time.

“Hey”.

I could recognize that voice any day. I spun around and saw Karma standing behind me, a shy smile plastered across her young features.

I immediately enveloped her in a long, tight hug which she reciprocated with just as much eager.

“How you been?” I asked as we eventually pulled away.

“Erm, good. I feel better,” she nodded, repositioning the backpack on her shoulder slightly.

“I just saw you with Ruby… Are you two together now or..?” she asked me, not directly looking at me I think, but I couldn’t be completely sure as I couldn’t look directly at her either.

“Eh, I guess so. It’s nothing serious. She’s a nice girl…”

Karma nodded slightly, her eyes fixed on the tiled floor beneath us.

“How are you and Liam?” I asked.

She sighed heavily before leaning her head against the lockers with a thud.

“He wants to sleep with me” she whispered even though there was no one else in the vicinity.

I felt my heart do that sinking thing again, when someone tells you something you wish you could immediately un-hear.

“Oh shit?” I said articulately, not knowing what else to say.

“What are you gonna do?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

She shrugged her shoulders, “try and hold off for as long as possible”, she chuckled.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me and I laughed with her, possibly a bit more than was needed.

“I just don’t think I love him, you know? At least not yet. But then if I wait until I do love him, it might be too late and he’ll have left me cause I don’t put out,” she threw her hands up in the air in exasperation.

I hated when Karma told me things like this about boys she was dating. Sure, there weren’t many, but when they had problems I always got so mad because they weren’t treating her how she should be treated; with respect, dignity and all the love in the world she deserves. She needed to be with someone who loved her for who she is and God knows that’s not Liam.

“You know what that means, right?” I asked, pretty sure she did know.

“I know, I know. You’re gonna tell me Liam’s an asshole, he doesn’t respect me and I deserve better. But what’s better than the most popular boy in school, Aims?”

“Someone who loves you!” I blurted out and immediately stopped there. I needed to stop saying things to her.

“Maybe I should just sleep with him and get it over with,” she pondered, ignoring my advice.

“No!” I almost shouted, her face scrunching up in that adorable way when she was confused.

“No,” I repeated more softly, “you’ll just regret it, Karma. Don’t do that”.

She shuffled her feet slightly on the ground, her arms wrapped around her waist before she spoke again.

“What about Ruby? You’re not gonna sleep with her?”

I swallowed so loudly I was sure she could see how nervous that question made me.

“I don’t love her, so no” I admitted.

She nodded repeatedly, clearly not wanting to expand on the subject and neither did I.

“You wanna come over tonight?” she asked as I busied myself absent-mind idly inside my locker.

“That’s if you’re not busy…”

“No, course not. I’d love to. It has been a whole day after all that we didn’t see each other,” I smiled at her.

She grinned back in that adorable way whenever she got her way and told me she’d see me later. At least some things were back to normal.

**************

That day at lunch, Ruby and I sat across from Karma and Liam. I could tell Ruby was uncomfortable, I mean who could blame her; she was sitting beside her probable girlfriend who was sitting across from her open-relationship faux-girlfriend who was sitting beside her probable boyfriend. It sure as hell was the weirdest situation I’d ever been in and probably would ever be in. I gave Ruby’s hand a reassuring squeeze under the table which she responded by smiling wide at me and offering me one of her fries. I accepted and ate it slowly off her fork flirtatiously while Karma and Liam watched on.

“You wanna come to mine after school today?” Ruby asked me.

Before I could answer, Karma interrupted, “she can’t. She already promised me a date with Netflix. Right, Amy?”

I nodded apologetically as I watched Ruby’s face fall. As much as I wouldn’t say no to a promised make-out session with Ruby, I would much rather spend time watching stupid shows on Netflix with Karma.

“Sorry, another time.”

I felt bad as I watched her nod into her plate of fries. She really was a good person and deserved better than me stringing her along. But now I was thinking it was almost too late to tell her the truth; that I was secretly in love with Karma and my mind cannot comprehend anyone else as long as she exists. On the other hand, there was absolutely no chance of Karma and I happening on a sexual level so I might as well forget about it completely and continue whatever this was with Ruby.

“They have donuts today?!” Liam suddenly shouted, the first time all lunch I think he spoke.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?!” 

He grabbed Karma by the arm who resisted a lot but eventually gave in when she realized he’s much, much stronger and they made their way to the lunch line, leaving Ruby and I alone.

I squeezed her hand again under the table, “You ok?” I asked.

She shoved her plate of fries across the table and sighed loudly.

“I’m not sure if I can share you, Amy.”

Her voice cracked a little as she spoke and my heart really went out to her.

“I can’t bear the thought of you and Karma together. I just want you to myself. I don’t care how selfish that is.”

And then I said it because I had nothing else to say and no other way to make her feel better, “we’re not really together.”

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open a little, “what?”

I shook my head and wondered why the hell I was telling her this; if she blabs everything is screwed. 

“We’re pretending to be together to be popular and so she can be with Liam.”

Her face screwed up in what seemed like confusion and surprise.

“So you’re not actually gay?”

“Oh, no I am. But Karma isn’t,” I said, sadly.

She picked up her fork again and started squashing the cold fries on the plate. I watched her as she looked like she was figuring out a maths equation like yesterday at her house.

“Soo…” she spoke eventually, “this means you and Karma aren’t actually sleeping together?”

I shook my head. You got that one right.

“So there’s nothing stopping us from being together?” 

I shook my head and smiled at her.

“But Karma and I gotta still pretend to be together ok? And you can’t tell anyone it’s not real ok?”

She nodded her head enthusiastically so I offered her my pinky finger.

“Promise?”

She locked hers together with mine, “promise”, she said as she kissed me harder than she ever did. God, what had I just done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's anything in particular anyone wants to see in this story, just let me know and I'll try my best :)


	4. Chapter 4

Karma and I were cuddled up in her bed that evening in our PJ’s and watching House Hunters of course. Neither of us had mentioned Ruby or Liam which I was thankful for; it was like things were back to how they used to be, just us with no other friends to cause drama or tension between us. I wasn’t really paying attention to the tv show playing on Karma’s laptop which lay between us on the bed. I was more focused on Karma’s body pressed into mine, her head on my shoulder, her arm wrapped around my waist. I could smell the minty freshness of her hair, she always smelled so good no matter what. For as long as I could remember, we laid like this on her bed watching tv shows, but now for some reason it was different. I felt different towards her. I was noticing whenever her bare skin accidentally brushed against mine, I noticed her body whenever she would get changed in front of me, I noticed how good she was with her baby cousins and how good she’d be as a mom. I shook my head and tried to rid myself of these thoughts. She’s my best friend after all, what was I thinking.

Karma’s head lifts from my shoulder and she eyes me for a second, that gaze of hers which I was finding harder and harder to meet.

“You ok?” she whispers.

I swallowed back the lump building in my throat and nodded, I was pretty sure if I attempted to speak nothing would come out. 

She didn’t settle for that and instead shifted her body so she was lying on her stomach and looking up at me.

“Look, if you’re still worried about me sleeping with Liam, it’s not gonna happen any time soon. I told him and he said it’s fine.”

That was just one my problems temporarily eased, it was something at least.

I smiled down at her, “that’s great, Karms.”

She knotted her eyebrows at me and pouted playfully.

“What’s wrong baby?” she teased, poking me in the side. God, don’t call me that.

“You’ve barely said a word all night. Are you worried people will find out about us being fake lesbians? Because you seem to be getting pretty into it with Ruby for real. That should be good practice for us, plus there’s the dossier if you’re ever really stuck,” she laughed.

I was glad she could see the funny side of things but I failed to. I just had to tell her that I told Ruby. If there’s one thing I can’t do, it’s keep secrets from Karma. She knows me so well she’d be able to almost read it off me pretty soon anyway.

“I did something really bad…”

Her eyes widened and her face went a sheet of white.

“You slept with Ruby didn’t you?”

“What? No, of course not.”

Her features softened again and I could feel her relaxing with a sigh.

“Oh, then it can’t be that bad. What did you do?”

I slumped my shoulders and bit my lip slightly, she was gonna kill me wasn’t she?

“I told Ruby that you and I are faking being together…”

“You what?!” she almost screamed, jumping off the bed.

Oh shit, “Karma, calm down. It’s ok,” I reassured her. 

“No it’s not ok! Everyone is going to find out now and they will probably throw eggs and expel us and we’ll have to move town and everything with Liam will be ruined and I’ll never see you again!”

She was pacing the room erratically now, her hands clutching her head.

I got off the bed and tried to slow her down, placing my hands on her shoulders but she kept wriggling out of my grasp, mumbling something about everything good gets taken away from her and she was never meant to be happy.

I forcefully wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest. She finally reciprocated and clutching my t-shirt in her hands she sobbed into my chest. A reaction I did not expect and I now I felt even worse for what I had just done. I expected her to be angry and scream at me, that I could take but when I really upset her it wasn’t nice.

“I’m so sorry, Karma. I didn’t mean to upset you,” I tried telling her over her cries. “She’s not going to tell anyone, I promise. It’s all gonna be ok, you’ll see.” I rubbed my hand up and down her back over and over again, desperately trying to sooth her sobbing.

“It’s not gonna be ok, it’s all such a mess,” she mumbled into my t-shirt which I could just barely make out.

I cupped her tear-stricken face in my hands and looked her in the eyes.

“Karma, please stop crying. I hate seeing you upset and I’m sorry I’m the one to cause it. Ruby’s not gonna tell anyone, I promise. We’re gonna be ok. I love you.”

And that’s when she kissed me. And not just a playful peck on the lips. It was a full on cupping my face, lips forcefully moving against lips kind of kiss. Not like she’d ever kissed me before. This was new. 

She pulled back after a few seconds and when I opened my eyes I saw her looking back at me; eyes questioning me, questioning herself.

I answered by kissing her again and gently pushing her against the wall of her bedroom. She responded by opening her mouth and meeting her tongue with mine. This was also new and this didn’t feel fake. This was real and I was so, so happy I wasn’t dreaming for once.


	5. Chapter 5

That night with Karma was spent making out pretty much until we fell asleep. Nothing else happened, just soft, passionate kissing. Not like I’d ever kissed anyone before, this was different, meaningful, slow, sometimes fast and heavy but more times soft and gentle. There was no talking either. Karma didn’t say a word and neither did I. I was terrified she would suddenly realize what she was doing, what we were doing, and bolt for the door and run away somewhere. That does sound like something Karma would do. 

In the morning we didn’t say much either. She and I got dressed, had breakfast and hopped in her mom’s car for school. She told me she would see me later as she made her way to first class. I was pretty content with that outcome, I didn’t exactly expect more making out in her mom’s car or in the school hallway but at least she didn’t tell me it would never happen again. It was safe to say nothing could tear away that smile on my face.

“Hey, baby!” I heard from behind me as I made my way to Algebra.

I soon felt Ruby’s soft hand in mine as we walked down the corridor.

“Hey… Ruby.”

“I’ve missed you” she cooed in my ear after kissing my cheek softly. The only thing coming to mind was Karma kissing there last night. My neck too. It was incredible; I was getting butterflies in my tummy at the mere thought. 

“Me too,” I lied as I squeezed her hand in mine.

“Listen,” she began “my parents are away on business this weekend and my brother is visiting his friends out of town, so we can just hang out at mine all weekend, no parents.”

I could see her winking out the corner of my eye and her emphasis on “all weekend” made what she was trying to say pretty clear. 

“Are we really ready for that?” I chuckled lightly. I had barely known this girl a week after all.

She shrugged her shoulders in feigned ignorance “ready for what?”

“Don’t make me say it!” I laughed.

“I’m not!” she whined, “Just think about it…” she grinned as we reached the classroom.

And boy did I think about it, just not with her.

****************************************************************************************************************

I texted Karma for the fifteenth time that day with no answer.

“Where are you?”

“We need to talk.”

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I miss you.”

She was just avoiding me at all costs. Lunch was nearly over and I hadn’t seen her all day when eventually I met her on the way to History class, the only class of the day I had with her.

I ran up to her before she had the chance to escape inside the classroom.

“Karma, what the hell? Why are you avoiding me?” I kind of knew the answer to that question but didn’t know what else to say.

She refused to meet my eyes and glared at the floor instead, “I’m not…”

“Yes, you are. You won’t even look at me.”

I lowered my voice before speaking again, “look if you want to continue this act we have going on, we need to at least be seen together.”

“Maybe I don’t want to continue it!” she snapped, finally meeting my eyes, but not in a good way. There was fire in them, nothing like I’d ever seen before.

I felt my heartbeat quicken in my chest and my palms sweat.

“What do you mean?”

“I got the guy, I got Liam Booker. We don’t need to pretend anything anymore. It’s over, Amy.”

I swallowed the lump building in my throat and tried to fight back the tears threatening to emerge.

“Is this because of last night?”

Her eyes darted around in case any eavesdroppers were around, God forbid.

She shuffled her feet a little before saying in a soft voice “that was a mistake.”

The tears couldn’t be held back anymore and they streamed down my face now.

“Go to hell, Karma.” 

*****************************************************************************************************************************

That night I lay in bed alone staring at nothing in particular. Those words echoing in my head, taunting me over and over, “that was a mistake.” It wasn’t even that I believed them, I didn’t believe them. What I felt was real, Karma’s soft kisses, her soft hands holding me, feeling me, her soft moans and whimpers when I’d kiss her neck and collarbones. That cannot be faked. I felt it for a long time and now I know she feels it too. But she refuses to acknowledge it. She’d rather pretend to be happy in love with Liam than be actually happy in love with me. It’s like we had gone full circle and the irony wasn’t lost on me.

I grabbed my phone from my bedside locker and brought up her name, Ruby.

“If that offer is still on for this weekend, I’m up for it?”

“Awesome! Can’t wait. Xxx.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I didn't update in a couple of days, I was drinking and then hungover and then I slept a lot. Hope you're enjoying the story so far. :)


	6. Chapter 6

I didn’t hear from Karma at all that weekend. Sure, I did try, numerous times but there’s only so much ringing out I can listen to and only so much voicemails I can leave. 

“I didn’t mean what I said, please talk to me.”

“We can sort this out.”

“I know you’re scared, I’m scared too but I’m here for you.”

“I’m going to Ruby’s this weekend. She has a free house.”

She didn’t even respond to that one. Does the idea of me and Ruby alone together for a whole weekend not scare her? Even a little bit? I know the thought of her and Liam makes me retch in my mouth a little bit, but it also makes me angry and upset. He doesn’t love her like I do. But maybe we don’t always end up with the people we love the most and we have to take what we can get. That’s why I spent that weekend with Ruby.

We were cuddled on her couch watching True Detective one night. She had gotten us popcorn, ice cream, candy of all kinds and that was after she cooked us a meal. I felt terrible that she was going to all this effort just for me. But she was taking my mind of Karma in the best way possible.

“You’re so beautiful” she whispered in my ear during the commercials. I swear she wasn’t even watching the show and was looking at me the whole time, you know when you can just feel someone’s eyes on you? 

“No, I’m not…” I laughed. I really didn’t think I was; despite what Karma told me a lot. Karma was the beautiful one. Ruby is beautiful too.

I turned towards her, her eyes already glaring at my lips, “you are,” I whispered.

Her lips met mine in a hungry kiss, her tongue immediately entering my mouth and devouring me. She was moaning too and hands were going everywhere. She had been like this all weekend, like a dog in heat. Of course I didn’t mind it, I liked it, I really liked it and the past few days had been getting more and more intense. Spending every moment with her I really got to know her, in more ways than one.

“Let’s go upstairs” she said breathlessly as she pulled away from me, already up off the couch and pulling me with her.

Her room was coloured almost all purple, purple curtains, purple duvet cover, purple sheets, purple walls. Plastered above her bed was a cute collage made of pictures of her and her friends and in one corner was a small study table with notes still scattered on it. Fairy lights lit up the room at night, giving it a cosy, warm feel. It reminded me of the glow in the dark stars Karma and I put up in my bedroom and we’d lay there at night pretending we were camping under the moonlight. Damn, there I was again thinking about her.

“You alright?” Ruby asked me as I realized I was standing in the doorway of her bedroom as she waited for me inside.

“Yeah, sorry.”

I shut the bedroom door behind me and joined her on the bed.

“You’re so shy!” she laughed as I laid down beside her. 

“Am I?”

Then she straddled my body, hands either side of my head, her long hair dangling on my chest and I was completely aware that this meant her underwear was touching me as she was wearing a dress.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” she whispered which just made everything sexier. Damn she was good. How could anyone say no in that situation?

I placed my hands on her bare thighs.

“What do you wanna do?” I teased, playing her at her own game.

She lowered her face next to mine, her hair now tickling my neck.

Inches away from me, she breathes, “Why don’t we find out?”

That’s when my stomach did those flips that only Karma can give me. But right now I was turned on, really turned on. My mind raced back to that passionate night of making out with Karma, that was the last night I was this turned on.

Ruby then reached under the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Her hands softly cupped my breasts over my bra as she nibbled at my neck. Okay, Karma didn’t do that, this was new, I liked this. 

“Do you wanna take it off?” she asked into my neck. Given the position I was in it was hard to manoeuvre but we both sat up and I unclipped the material. 

“Wow,” she seemed to whisper absent-mindedly as her lips trailed down my body. I shuddered at the new sensation of her warm tongue tasting my upper body.

“You’re really good at that…”

She grinned widely as she came up to kiss me again.

“We can stop now if you want…”

I shook my head, “No.”

Her hand grazed down my body tantalizingly slowly as she popped open the button of my jeans.

“You sure?”

I nodded.

Seemingly in one quick motion, my jeans and underwear were off and her fingers were inside me. I shut my eyes tight as I enjoyed this newfound sensation my body was going through. Sure, I had done this to myself but it was different with someone else. It was intimate, it was new and I needed someone to want me after Karma said she didn’t.  
And there I was thinking about her again. I tried to keep my eyes open because every time they shut it was Karma I pictured who was inside me, who was kissing my neck and writhing on top of me. But it was near impossible to not shut them because what Ruby was doing felt incredible. It was fast but it was also gentle and her body on top of me was adding to the desire mounting within me. It wasn’t long before I felt my muscles contract and I moaned loudly into the air as Ruby helped me ride out my orgasm. But it wasn’t her I pictured during my first time, it was you, it was Karma.

Ruby wrapped me up in her arms and kissed me goodnight. I couldn’t repress the tears that were building inside me and next thing I was sobbing like a child. I went from complete ecstasy to rock bottom in the space of a few seconds.

I felt even worse that Ruby thought it was something she had done to hurt me so all I could say to explain was “I’m in love with Karma.”


	7. Chapter 7

Ruby’s face went a pale sheet of white and I could see the tears brimming in her eyes at the revelation. 

“We kissed in front of the whole school to make them think we were together, but I really, really liked it. And ever since I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s driving me crazy.” I elaborated. 

“Then why the hell are you with me?!” she practically screeched through her tears. We were both crying now but when I tried to offer her some comfort she backed away. Who could blame her after everything I’ve done?

“You distract me from these feelings I have for her,” I told her honestly. 

“I didn’t want anything serious with you. I thought it was just some fun.”

Her tears came faster and stronger then. She was proper bawling and there was nothing I could do to help.

She choked back the tears, “So you don’t even like me and you’ve just been pretending?”

I shook my head, “No, I do like you Ruby. Of course I do, you’re a great person and anyone would be lucky to have you. It’s just that nothing more can happen between us until I sort out myself and these feelings I have for Karma. I’m sorry I led you on and didn’t tell you the truth. It was selfish and you deserve a lot better than me.”

I didn’t just say that to make her feel better, it was true. I made a mess of the whole situation and brought her along for the ride. She didn’t deserve any of this.

Her sobbing subsided somewhat as she breathed heavily. I gently held her hand which she didn’t swat away this time. 

“Does she like you back?”

I nodded, “Yeah. Something happened between us a few nights ago, we made out in her bedroom. But it was more than just fun, it was meaningful and gentle. It was like she was trying to tell me something. But she’s been avoiding me ever since.”

She flopped back down on the bed with a sigh, “I really liked you, Amy.”

“I know. I took advantage of that. Karma had Liam and I just wanted someone too. I hope we can still be friends?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “I guess. At least I did get some in the end.”

I laughed and shoved her playfully.

We lay there in silence for what seemed like a long time. I thought we were going to drift off to sleep and leave it at that but just as my eyes were closing, she spoke again.

“You need to call her. If you’re sure she feels the same way, don’t throw that away. She’d be crazy to say no to you anyway.”

She turned to face me and smirked in that cute way she does, “And hey, if she says there’s no way it’s gonna happen and she’s planning on marrying Liam and having a dozen kids, I’m always here.”

I chuckled along with her and kissed her cheek as we drifted off to sleep.

*******************************************************************************************

 

Ruby and I hung out at school together for the next week. I felt a lot better that I was honest with her and wasn’t stringing her along any more. We made great friends at the end of the day so something good was coming from all this. We were sat in the canteen having lunch; I hadn’t seen or heard from Karma all week. When she wanted to do a disappearing act, she was pretty darn good at it. 

“Is that Karma?!” Ruby suddenly called louder than intended. I glanced over my shoulder immediately and my eyes landed on the pretty brunette. Only she didn’t look like the pretty brunette I had known my whole life; it was like she was a shadow of her usual self. She was without make-up, hair tied back and looked like she hadn’t eaten in a week. She didn’t even get this bad when her Gram Gram died. 

“She looks like shit. You need to talk to her, Amy.”

I shook my head, “she’s made it clear she’s not interested.”

“Oh for God’s sake!” Ruby threw her hands in the air before grabbing one of my mine and next thing I knew she was dragging me in Karma’s direction.

“Woah, woah! Ruby, stop, no, this is not a good idea, not a good idea!” I protested but it was too late.

Karma and I were face to face for the first time in a week. She was just gawping back at me like a child does when they see something unfamiliar.

“You two need to talk,” Ruby remarked, before fleeing the scene. I could kill her.

I stood there awkwardly shuffling my feet and glancing down at them like I’d never seen them before. I could feel Karma’s eyes boring into my head. Great, she’s giving the staring silent treatment.

“How have you been?” I asked, looking up to meet those green eyes I had missed over the last week.

She nodded her head, “Yeah, good. You?”

I nodded back, “Yeah, not bad.” This was awkward.

“Did you… stay at Ruby’s last weekend?” she asked.

“Yeah, I did. It was fun.”

“I stayed at Liam’s.” she smiled that triumphant smile like she used to do when we were kids and she came first place in the egg and spoon race. Only then my heart didn’t leap out of my throat, back then I was happy to see her smiling and to see her get something she always wanted. Back then I guess I wasn’t in love with her.

I tried to compose myself, “Yeah? How was that?”

“It was good. Really good, if you know what I mean.”

I swallowed the lump building in my throat before asking, “Did you sleep with him, Karma?” I don’t know why I love torturing myself and I don’t know why I felt the need to include her name in the question like it was an interrogation. But in my mind it kind of was because she might have done something wrong.

She nodded, “Yeah.”

My heart was beating so fast now. I know I’m being a hypocrite because I slept with Ruby. I didn’t wait until I could do it with somebody I loved either. But I thought that would never happen. I was angry and upset and Ruby was there. At least now I could hurt her like she hurt me.

“I slept with Ruby,” I admitted.

That wiped the smile off her face and her jaw fell open in shock.


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you serious?” she asked. She always asks that when she hears something surprising or some new juicy gossip. Only this time she looked more upset than usual.

I nodded, “Yeah, it just kind of happened I guess.”

“What happened to ‘saving yourself for someone who loves you’?!” she snapped. She was angry now, but so was I.

“I could ask you the same question. You said it wasn’t gonna happen with you and Liam but then you just did it anyway. Thanks for consulting your best friend by the way. At least I told you I was staying at Ruby’s at the weekend, which you just refused to acknowledge!” 

I was aware that I was now practically shouting at her in the middle of the cafeteria. The place was quiet and all eyes were watching our argument. I’m sure they thought it was just some trouble in paradise, lesbians and their drama.

“You didn’t tell me you were sleeping with her!” she bit back. Her voice croaked a little as she attempted to raise it an octave to express her anger, but I could see she was more upset than anything. But I didn’t feel the need to comfort her like I did that night in her bedroom. I was mad at her and she deserved to be upset this time.

“Neither did you. I hadn’t heard from you in days. You disappear without as much as a word. Some best friend you are, Karma.”

I paused to catch my breath which was short and heavy inside me. My emotions were riling up inside me and I was struggling to control them. Karma’s eyes glared back at me, I could see she was on the verge of tears and so was I. She looked scared, terrified.

“Stop running away, Karma. There’s nothing to be ashamed or frightened of. What you’re doing to yourself is toxic. Just be brave for once and stop pretending to be someone you’re not. Believe me, it’s a lot easier.”

The tears were now streaming down my face and so were Karma’s. I gently reached out to grab her hand which she took hold of. I squeezed it gently and smiled encouragingly at her. She stared at our hands like that for what seemed like forever, softly playing with each of my fingers. Then suddenly she let out a loud sob and fled the scene running. Shit, I should have expected that.

********************************************************************************************************

I was playing around with the food on my plate since mom set in down in front of me 10 minutes ago. I didn’t feel like eating and I wasn’t hungry, even if spaghetti bolognaise was my favourite. It just didn’t feel right that Karma wasn’t sat beside me at dinner like she usually was; playing with the spaghetti in her mouth and laughing when it made a ‘plop’ noise after the end of it went in. 

I missed her so much. Not just in a romantic way, I missed just hanging out with her, watching dumb movies on Netflix, doing our homework together, cooking mac and cheese at 3 am when we had school in a couple of hours. I didn’t even mind if we were never going to be anything romantic, I just wanted my best friend back. My soul mate. 

“Honey, I haven’t seen Karma in so long. Are you two ok? You haven’t replaced her with that Ruby girl have you? She’s nice and everything but we were so fond of Karma, weren’t we Bruce?” my mom asks him across the dinner table. I can see Lauren rolling her eyes beside me.

She’s talking as if she’s died. Bruce just nods in response.

That night I lay in bed, staring up at those stars on my ceiling again. I contemplate taking them all down because they remind me of her too much. I hear mom talking downstairs to someone at the door. They seem to be talking for a long time, probably one of our cousins or the neighbours. But who calls at 10 o’clock at night?

“You go right on up, honey, she’s upstairs,” I hear my mom say. It’s hardly Leila and Elizabeth to see Lauren? They only hang out at school because no one else can stand Lauren.  
I hear a knock on my door. It’s not for Lauren, it’s for me. I climb out of my bed and notice I’m in my pj’s and make-up free. Great, the only person who’s seen me in this state is Karma. I open the door of my bedroom and there she is. Those green eyes puncturing into my soul like always.

“Can I come in?” she asks tentatively and I silently step aside.

I close the door after her as she stands awkwardly next to my bed.

“You can sit down you know,” I tell her so instead she sits awkwardly on the bed. This is gonna be a long night.

“I screwed things up so bad, Amy,” she shakes her head in disbelief and I just sit there and listen.

She swallows hard and locks her eyes on me, like she’s finally trying to come clean, to tell me the truth. 

“I got jealous, ok? With you and Ruby. That’s why I kissed you that night. You being with someone else, it didn’t feel right. You were mine, you know? But I was so scared. I realized I had these feelings for you, more than friendship. That’s why I was avoiding you. Then you texted to say you were staying at Ruby’s and I got so mad. So upset and angry. So I texted Liam and asked him could I stay at his that weekend. And he texted back saying ‘only if we have sex’. So I agreed. I was just so confused and upset.”

She puts her hand over her face to conceal her sobbing and I can see it’s consuming her. She’s shaking with emotion and all I can feel is anger.

“He seriously said that?!” I practically bellow into the room and I can make out her nodding through her shaking.

“I’m gonna kill him!” I tell her as I feel my body shake with anger. How could someone treat this girl with such disrespect? This girl is the kindest, sweetest, most genuine girl I’ve ever known and I swore from day one I’d kill anyone who ever crossed her.

She places her hands on my shoulders to calm me down.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Amy. It’s over. I tried texting him and calling him and everything else but he’s been avoiding me. He got what he wanted so he’s done with me. And I’m glad. I don’t want someone like that in my life. I need someone who loves me. Someone who gets me. Someone who will watch Netflix with me all night, who will take me for McDonald’s breakfast first thing in the morning, who will tell me I’m beautiful even when I got chicken pox when I was 6 and I looked like something out of a horror movie,” she laughs and I laugh too because I’m so happy to see her smiling.

“That’s you, Amy. It’s always been you; I’ve just been too dumb to see it. I’ve barely slept or ate or done anything normal since I kissed you. I can’t think straight, literally,” she chuckles.

“I am so, so sorry for the way I treated you. If there’s any way I can make it up to you…” 

She bit her lip uncertainly and I smirked in response.

“I can think of something…” 

I captured her lips in mine which she reciprocated with just as much eager as I pressed my body into hers. It didn’t even matter anymore that our first time wasn’t going to be with each other, the rest of our lives would make up for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I could leave it at that, unless ye want another chapter of sexy times and cuteness? Or is that a dumb question? I think that's a dumb question. :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, last chapter. It has pretty detailed sex scenes, so if you're not into that it's cool, just a word of warning. Thanks so much for all your lovely comments, they were so nice to wake up to every morning. I might start another fic another time or maybe a few one shots, I have a lot of spare time on my hands. :D   
> Thanks again for reading, leaving kudos, following me on tumblr and ok, enjoy!

I climbed on top of Karma’s small, gorgeous body as I straddled her hips and kissed her hard. Her hands cupped my face tightly as she kissed me back with just as much ferocity. My body was starting to get hot as I kissed Karma’s jawline, her neck, her throat and back up to her earlobe which I nibbled on. I thrust my hips into her own; my body almost unable to control itself anymore as Karma’s heavy breathing and moaning was clouding my mind. Her hands trailed up the back of my t-shirt and her fingers danced on the soft flesh. I pulled away from her for the shortest of time possible to remove the upper garment before my lips missed contact with hers. I moved one of my hands from its position on the bed to under her light blue shirt which she barely ever wore.

“I like this shirt”, I mumbled into her lips as my hand softly roamed the newfound territory of her abdomen. 

She chuckled against my lips and I could feel it under my hand too, telling me it was a real, genuine laugh.

“I like you”, she says as she kisses me again.

She pulls away again to remove the shirt in question, grinning as I pout ironically.

I move my lips down her body, kissing every inch, every curve I can possibly reach as Karma’s breathing gets heavier and heavier. I reach up under her back to unclip her bra and feast my eyes on her beautiful body.

“You’re drooling, Raudenfeld,” she remarks jokingly which I respond to my poking her ribs.

“I think you’re amazing,” I whispered to her almost instinctively. Her lips curled up into a smile as her eyes coloured a darker shade of green.

I felt my heartbeat quicken at the sight of her, she was so beautiful.

She licked her lips before speaking again, “I love you.”

I rested my forehead against hers with a sigh, “I love you too.”

Her hands nestled into my blonde locks as she kissed me like she wanted to savour every minute. As I moved down her body once again, I felt her hips jerk against mine as I swirled my tongue around her nipples. Her head thrown back against the bed in elation as her body writhed against mine was I sight I thought I’d never get to see. 

I then moved off the bed and slowly, teasingly removed my bra and sweatpants. I don’t know where this newfound confidence or attempt at sexiness emerged from but it seemed to be working as I watched Karma squirm on the bed, desperate to be touched again. I felt comfortable and confident doing this with her; it was different than with Ruby. Karma made me feel like I could do anything. 

Without warning, I popped open the button of her jeans and slid them down her soft, slender legs. I then resumed my position on top of the brunette as we continued our heated exchange. She wrapped her arms and legs around my body, merging us closer than I thought physically possible. She moved her lips to my neck and I couldn’t repress the moans I was emanating.

“Touch me,” she whispered into the silent air. I felt my stomach muscles clench. God, she was so sexy.

Karma is someone I could never say no to, so I drew my hand slowly up her leg until I cupped her over her underwear. She moaned in response and gripped my shoulders tightly. Overcome with desire, I pulled back and stripped her of her remaining underwear. I shifted my body further south and licked just above her naval, enjoying the sight and sound of Karma’s breathing becoming faster and louder. Looking up to gauge her reaction, I immediately entered my index finger into her. She moaned in delight and pushed her head back against the bed. I felt the desire within me mount at the discovery of how wet she was.

Karma’s hands were firmly gripped on the pillows above her and her eyes were clamped shut. I entered more fingers into her and quickened my speed, my eagerness building just as much as hers. I then moved my mouth to the wetness between her legs, my tongue exploring her most intimate area. Karma almost screamed in response as she encouraged me with her moans which were coming faster and harder than before. It wasn’t long before she arched her back and called out my name in ecstasy. With her hand keeping my head firmly in place, I helped her ride out her orgasm until her breathing had levelled out and she rested back down on the bed.

“Oh my God,” she finally spoke.

I flopped my exhausted body next to hers on the bed, “Nah, just me, Amy.”

She laughed hard at that and the lighter mood was a nice welcome compared to the intense desire that had engulfed us both.

I kissed her sweetly on the lips before we both made ourselves comfortable under the covers; obtaining our usual position of her resting her head on my chest as we drift off to sleep. Only tonight was different, it was more honest and it felt so right.

************************************************************************************************************************************

The next morning I opened my eyes slowly and groggily, adjusting to the morning’s bright light and just how exhausted I still felt. I turned my head to the left and was met with those beautiful green eyes looking back at me.

“Morning, baby,” she whispered, kissing me softly and I couldn’t think of a better start to the day.

Suddenly, she jumped off the bed and put on one of my t-shirts and sweatpants.

“Well, come on slow coach!” 

She was referring to me. I had no idea what she was talking about so I stared at her questionably.

“We’re going to get McDonalds!”

It wasn’t long before we were sat in Bruce’s car in McDonald’s drive through.

“What do you want?” Karma asked me, turning around from the front seat. For some reason she always hogged the front seat before anyone else had the chance.

“Whatever you’re getting, I’m not pushed.” She always knew what I ordered no matter where we were so I don’t know why she was asking.

“Hi!” Karma called cheerily through the intercom once we reached it. I was so happy to see her happy again.

“Can I get a bacon and egg McMuffin with coffee? And pancakes with syrup and coffee, for my girlfriend?” she added.

And that’s when Karma Ashcroft and I became official; in the McDonald’s drive through. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wouldn’t change her for anything.

**Author's Note:**

> I completely invented the character of Ruby Hadler, she doesn't exist in the tv show. :)


End file.
